I rarely-to-never plan on making bad choices. I don’t sit down with my calendar and schedule when I will do something stupid, say something I regret or act in a way that isn’t in line with who I hope to be. I just don’t. It would be silly. It just sort of…happens. Sin happens. And it’s a little annoying sometimes. I don’t intend it to be the case. I don’t schedule around it. I don’t wake up in the morning and think, “I know, I’ll fall into [fill in the blank] old habit this afternoon…yes, that would be good.” It never makes it onto my list of things to do or is something I anticipate. It’s just not.
Of course, I’m a mess and do/say/think things that are more intentional than not. I am completely conscious of a choice I’m making in the moment and do it anyway. And at those times, I either don’t care or am justifying my actions with some ridiculous chain of messed up logic that is so absurd the words would never be uttered aloud. It’s easier that way because then I don’t feel as guilty about it. At least not in the moment.
Nonetheless, after the fact, I sometimes have the awareness to reflect and think, “um, what just happened here?” I’m able to see clearly what lead up to the words/actions/situation. What brought me to the place where something that so easily tempts me, tempts me. I happens all the time. Every day, most hours, sometimes more than once in the same minute. It’s true.
Being frustrated with myself, I couldn’t help but admit that it wasn’t at the exact moment of sin where I would inevitably fall prey to whatever it is that was so very inciting that was the problem.
There’s an infamous chapter in King David’s life (2 Samuel 11) where he sins big. Real big. Bigger than we learned in our children’s Sunday school classes and certainly bigger than one might imagine for a leader who was considered to be a man after God’s own heart. And it starts like this…
In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Jaob out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army.
The words that haunted me as I considered the junk in my own life. David goes on to make several not-so-great choices, but it starts here. It starts with the problem that it was the time for kings to be in one place and instead of being where he was supposed to be, he sent someone else and failed to fulfill his kingly duty. The problem all starts with his failure to be in the right place at the right time.
I feel a little like David sometimes. What I’m doing or where I’m going or how I’m spending my time doesn’t appear sinful. And at times, it might not even be. I’m not doing anything bad even if being elsewhere would be a slightly better alternative, so it’s OK, right?
Wrong.
It’s at these times, when I’m not where I’m where suppose to be or in a situation that has historically held my hand and guided me right into the sin, of which I must take note. It’s recognizing where is the best place for me to be – or the right place that the Lord wants me – in that exact moment that will gradually mold me more and more into the person who Jesus wants me to be, doing and saying everything, to the best of my ability, to love God and love others like Jesus would.
P.S.
Because people asked…no, I didn’t do anything stupid. Well, I do a lot of stupid things, but no specific event inspired me to write this.
20 years & 1000 words 