20 years & 1000 words

It’s been a while.

My last freelance project wrapped up eight months ago, and it’s been even longer since I’ve written a blog post that had any substance to it. I deactivated my Facebook account and just sort of stopped blogging. The Facebook decision was intentional, but the blogging sort of faded away slowly, actually beginning sometime around the start of 2010.

Of course, hindsight is 20/2o. I can see clearly all the little reasons that added up to why this happened, why I stopped doing something that I love so much: I stopped writing.

I wanted to get back into it. I thought about it a little bit. I’d jot down notes or ideas about which I’d blog or articles to submit, but it just never happened. I had the time. I had the resources. I had ability.

But I lost the words.

They disappeared. It was like trying to catch sand and use it build something. I couldn’t grasp onto the thoughts, ideas and concepts inside my head. Sentences started to feel choppy and incomplete. Ideas that seemed so simple no longer flowed through my fingers on the keyboard to shape something that was worth of hitting the little “publish” icon on the blogger screen. It didn’t work anymore.

Previously, writing just happened. I didn’t think about it all that much. Words appeared on the rectangle screen in front of me without much thought or practice. It just happened.

So what changed? Why is it that I’ve wrestled over launching a new blog for months? I’ve procrastinated on picking a template, come up with excuses and gotten the ball rolling…but then let it drop?  I actually started composing this post – what would be the very first one on this new wordpress blog with a fun picture that Becky took in 2006 – back in July. October is no peaking around the corner and will probably be here before it’s officially “posted.”

I forgot how to write. The words escaped me. It’s sad, really. I love writing. God gave me this thing to enjoy so much, and I stopped enjoying it. I failed to engage with the world through words for so long, that I simply forgot.

But He didn’t forget.

He didn’t let me forget, either.

Praying through oh so many other things in life, I keep hearing this quiet, small voice whispering in my ear, reminding me to write. Reminding me that it’s OK to make mistakes. Reminding me that it’s OK to share my ideas in words. Reminding me that it’s OK to fail. it’s OK to put thoughts out there and not know what will happen, that I should write because I love to write and that even when someone loves something, they still have to practice to get better.